“I have to make enough money to feed my kids”

How many times have we heard that when an NFL player is in a dispute over contract negotiations? Frankly, every time I hear it, I want to track the player down and punch them about the head and ears repeatedly! Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m just a mean SOB. Maybe it’s because I’m a champion of the average Joe, Maybe it’s because I’m prone to violent fantasies, or maybe I’m just tired of people thinking fans should be played as fools. Like I said, I don’t know, try it with a D. Admittedly, I have the same reaction when I see a commercial with a corporation, or a rich celebrity begging the poor man to Give Money……………Ahem!…..Sorry, I just went over and punched the TV for good measure. Now I’m screwed, cause I’m too poor to buy another TV. I guess I’ll have to whittle away my free time by writing an excessively long article.

The bottom line here is that…..the mob killed JFK…..Aliens are real and I’m repeatedly abducted….bluh, bluh, bluh…..the illuminati are setting up the new world order……Chuck Berris actually was a CIA assassin. THERE IS NO GOLD IN FORT KNOX!!!!! ……….ARGHHH! ….. (background noises of things crashing and a deranged man babbling incoherently) ……. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hello? (tap, tap, tap) Testing, one, two three…….What day is it?…Okay, good, it’s the same day I started writing this…Phew, that yoga really is helping to align my chakras! Sorry folks, something about the rich, crying poor mouth that really sets me off…I mean REALLY SETS ME!!…… “SARVESHAAM SVAASTIR BHAVATU, SARVESHAAM SVAASTIR Bhavatu, SAVESHAAM Poornam Bhavatu, SARveshaam Mangalam Bhavatu, Om Shanti, Shanti Shanteeh”….That was close. That Buddhist chant book I picked up at the thrift store for .99 cents is worth every penny! As long as I don’t proof read this article, I should be fine.

So, continuing on. Let’s look at the numbers to see if this argument is valid….OM, Om, om.  Experts say the average worker in the United States will earn approximately $2,000,000.00 over their lifetime (based on $50,000 per year, 40 year work history). With that, they will raise 2 children, buy 6 new cars, 4 home purchases/upgrades, pay bills…etc…etc…etc. and have little to no money saved for retirement (approximate numbers, your mileage may vary). To re-iterate, that’s $2,000,000.00 over their entire life. All of this considers that nothing happens to them or their children to put them in financial hardship or lose their income.

The average NFL player will make $1,900,000.00 PER YEAR  over a full career. But that is rare because most NFL players careers are only 5 years long. Actually 70% of NFL players are between the ages of 22 and 27. In that 5 year span, they will earn a paltry average of $1,500,000.00 PER YEAR. That’s roughly $7,500,00.00 in that span. That is just shy of 4 times the money in 5 years, that an average U.S. worker makes in a life time. Add to that, a generous NFL annual retirement of  $21,000 – $43,000 due to that limited work span. Add to that any income they earned by participating in the NFL’s 2 to 1 matching 401(K) plan, add to that 35 more years of earning potential in the private sector (BTW, you did get a college degree on the way to the NFL). That’s another $1,700,000.00 possible earnings. Humm…If you take the square root of an isosceles triangle, divide it by the mean average of the Fibonacci sequence, times the luck of the Irish and…… $9,200,000.00 plus retirement and benefits…..HOW MANY F*@$^KING KIDS ARE YOU FEEDING!!!!!!!!!……..AAAAA!!!!!AAAA!!!!!!…..OM, OM, OM, OM…NOPE NOT WORKING THIS TIME!!!!!… Blurbulurbulurbul…sheeeeaaaa…Blurbulurbulurbul….sheeeaaahhh…Hahahaha!!!

MoneyStacks
Coutesy Pintrest.

Cool brah! that some knarly sweet stinky!!! Hahahaha!! Where was I dude….oh yeah. I get it brah, I took economics in skool…..nutin wrong with maximizing earnings …..negosheate from streength! Haha…… But try to convince me ya can’t feed your kids on fat stax of grrrr…een, so…I’ll be your neegooshating pawn… on SOCIAL MEDIA!!!! …AAAAA!!!AAA!!!…Blurbulurbulurbul…sheeeaaa… Blurbulurbulurbul …sheeeaaah! …Nah…that’s unkool…totally……..but it’s all good brah…juss lay oof the I kank feed my kiids stuuuf…and we’re goood….good luck negoshating brah!

With love, SteelHobo.

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